REVIEW OF THE GRAD'S GUIDE TO CHOOSING WELL BY TH1NK

 
The Grad's Guide to Choosing Well: Wisdom for Life on Your Own explores tough issues and temptations teens and young adults will likely face as they head out for life on their own while offering truth, hope, and inspiration rooted in biblical wisdom.
Using Proverbs 3:5-6 as a foundation for making choices and setting priorities in daily life, this excellent graduation gift encourages young people to seek God’s will, set priorities, and have a deeper relationship with Him. The casual, easy-to-read approach helps them understand the power of the decisions the make today and the impact those decisions can have on who they will become.

About the Author- 

TH1NK is a straightforward, no-fluff, honest approach to books (fiction and nonfiction), Bibles, and Bible studies. TH1NK produces honest (sometimes blunt), relevant, and innovative resources that interact with Scripture to challenge and inspire the hearts of a new generation of truth-seeking disciples of Christ. TH1NK speaks to the independent thinkers of this generation without hype or gloss but with substantive truth to motivate individuals to live out their faith as disciples of Jesus.

My Thoughts-

This little book covers many important topics that include choice, friends, roommates, faith, money and other useful topics. The information presented was concise and included real life stories to help you understand the road ahead after you graduate college. Although I have two more years before I graduate high school,the information presented will be very useful now. There are many challenges that a teenager is faced while in  high school and the book can help you choose the right path to take in life. This is a great gift for any high school or college graduate.

Disclaimer: I was given a free copy of the book by NavPress for my honest review and I was not compensated for my review.

BLOG TOUR AND REVIEW OF RETURNING INJURY BY BECKY DUE

Join Becky Due, author of the suspense novel , Returning Injury: A Suspense Celebrating Women’s Strength, as she virtually tours the blogosphere on her first virtual book tour with Pump Up Your Book.


In Returning Injury, Rebecca is trying to recover from an abusive relationship with Roy. He had stalked and attacked her. He was eventually caught and placed in prison. She meets and marries a great man Jack, who is very successful and gives her everything a woman would want. When Roy is released from prison, she does not tell her husband and allows him to go on a business trip. She decides to stay home alone and she keeps herself busy working on some PR information about abused women for a friend. Strange things begin to happen and she fears that Roy has returned. Does Roy return and  is she able to face her fears and move on? I guess you have to read the book to find out the answers to those questions.

About the Author-

Becky Due, like the main characters of her novels, spent many years running from her life, looking for love, crying a little and laughing a lot along the journey of finding herself.
Through writing, Due found her passion. She is the author of several books and is currently working on her next novel. Happily married she and Scott live in Colorado, Florida and Alberta, Canada with their two "kids" Buddy the Cat and Shorty the Pug.

Author's  Website-

Trailer-


My Thoughts-
 There are many problems that everyone may face in their lives and abuse is very common in society today. The storyline shows that every person who has experienced abuse can overcome their fears and move on with their lives. The book was well written and was full of suspense, emotion, love and hope. This is a great book for anyone who has been abused and I especially liked how the author incorporated the PR work into the story.


Disclaimer: I received a free copy of the book for my honest review and I was not compensated for my review.

REVIEW AND GIVEAWAY OF THIS IS WHY YOU'RE FAT BY JACKIE WARNER

According to Jackie Warner, "Being fat isn't your fault; staying fat is." In her book This is Why You're Fat, she shows you how to lose weight and inches quickly without depriving yourself and doing grueling workouts. There are behaviors that make you fat and with Jackie's core principles you can learn to make you thin forever:

1. ADD TO LOSE- With her 2-week jump start you add foods to your diet and no food is forbidden.

2. CHEATING IS ALLOWED- After you eat clean for 5 days, you can indulge in anything you want over the weekend.


3. FAT IS NOT THE ENEMY- She says that sugar makes you fat and you should have no more than 9 grams of sugar.


4. SKIP THE CRUNCHES- They only make you build muscle under the fat. It is important to find the best and fastest way to burn calories, tone muscle and increase your metabolism for rapid weight loss.


5. LESS (EXCERCISE) IS MORE- You do not have to spend hours working out. Give her 20 minutes and you will see results.


So if you head to the gym, follow Jackie's advice:


Gym Etiquette


If anybody knows about proper gym etiquette, it’s me. I own a gym and have to constantly stay on top of my staff to follow the rules. A lot of clients tell me that they’re intimidated by gyms because they feel they don’t know how to use the equipment or feel they are out of place, in the way. Part of feeling comfortable in the gym is knowing the rules of a gym.
I’ll clear up a few of these for you, so you can go into any gym with confidence.

✱Learn the proper operation of equipment. If you’re unsure of how something works, ask for assistance.


✱ Pick up after yourself. Put your weights away. The next people in line don’t want to hunt around for the weights they need or, worse yet, try to remove the weights you left out.


✱ Allow people to “work in.” Many people do multiple sets on the weight machines, then sit on the equipment during their recovery time. If someone is waiting to use the same machine, the proper etiquette is to allow her to work in or do her set while you recover. So do your set, get off, and let the other person work in.

Don’t be shy about asking someone if you can work in, either. However, don’t work in if there are already two people waiting to use the same equipment.


✱ Don’t drop weights. Not only is dropping weights dangerous for your toes, but it damages the equipment and the floor. The rule of thumb is: If you can lift it, you can put it down gently.


✱ Observe time limits on cardio equipment. Some gyms have time limits (usually thirty minutes) on the cardio equipment (treadmills, elliptical trainers, stationary bikes, and so on), especially during peak hours. If you see people waiting around to use your type of machine, be especially conscious of the time limit.


✱ Wipe your sweat off the equipment. Gyms are notorious places for spreading nasty germs like staph infections, so practice good hygiene. And always lay a towel on the equipment to protect yourself.


✱ Don’t disturb other gym goers. The gym can be a great place to meet other healthy
people. But don’t be too chatty. You are there to work to intensity. Stay focused on
your goals.


MY THOUGHTS-

There are many diet books out there and so called miracle pills on the market. But do they work? In the book, she talks about balance in your body chemistry, and hormones. She explains what foods will help you to maintain the balance so you can lose that unwanted fat. She says that the biggest culprit is sugar. Most of us eat too much sugar every day. The author supplies all the tools to help change the way you look at food. She also says that exercising is an important part of losing weight. There is a section in the book that explains all of the exercises and how to do them correctly. I have joined a gym with my mom and it has helped me stay motivated but you can do them at home. There is a section in the book with some recipes to help you get started. I recommend this book for anyone who wants some motivation to get started.

Check out the article posted on the AOL fitness site.

The book even made it to the New York Times Best Seller List this week.

AND NOW FOR THE CONTEST-

Thanks to the folks at Hachette Book Group I can giveaway 3 copies of the book-

US or Canada only.
No Po Boxes.
Prize will be sent by the publisher.


ALL ENTRIES IN ONE COMMENT PLEASE AND LEAVE AN EMAIL.


+1 entry for a comment
+3 entry for Google follow ( Google Connect on right)
+1 for sharing on facebook ( use share button below)
+1 For following me on Facebook (melissa.gingerhigh)
+1 entry for Twitter Follow @ginger_high
+2 for tweeting about the contest(please leave link to be counted)
Win a copy of This is why You're Fat by J Warner #Giveaway from @ginger_high Enter here http://ow.ly/1JRcs Ends May 26th
+3 entries for blogging about contest (post link)
+2 For grabbing my button- Please leave the link to the site to be counted.

Contest ends May 26th at 12mn Eastern




Disclaimer: I was given a free copy of the book by the Hachette Book Group for my honest review and I was not compensated for my review.

GIVEAWAY AND REVIEW OF THERE'S ALWAYS A WAY BY TONY LITTLE

AND THE WINNER IS DR. BILL SMITH.

In the book There's Always a Way: How to Develop a Positive Mindset and Succeed in Business and Life,  Tony tells us about his life story. We always see Tony with his Ponytail and shouting "You can do it" but his life has not always been easy. He had run-ins with the law and his mother sent him away to live with his uncle. While he was there he became a successful body builder. His whole life changed when he had a car accident. He had numerous surgeries and his body building dream was put on hold. He was in the worst shape and he gained over 50 lbs. He had to change his life. He is living proof that you can always achieve what you want in life.

In his book he explains:

1. Tony explains how to use fears and insecurities to sharpen one's selling game and build self-confidence.
2. Tony demonstrates dynamite secrets for self-motivation, overcoming negativity, and thinking out of the box.
3. Tony explains how to build a positive mind set, create a buzz, exploit humor, find a niche, set goals, ask the right questions, close the sale, make the customer into a star, achieve peak selling performance, and turn oneself into a lean, mean selling machine.
4. Having grown his business in a tough market, Tony explains how to stand out in these down times.

My Thoughts-


When I started to read the book, I thought that this was just another book by a celebrity. Boy was I wrong. I had seen him on TV and he always had such energy. In reading the book I found out things about him I did not know. The book was well written and I enjoyed the photos. There was a wealth of information that can help you succeed and the information was presented in an upbeat way. That is what I would have expected from Tony. I recommend this book to everyone to help you make a positive change in your life.


AND NOW FOR THE CONTEST-

Thanks to the author and SSA public Relations I am able to give away a copy of this great book.

TO ENTER- PUT ALL ENTRIES IN ONE COMMENT AND INCLUDE YOUR EMAIL


+1 entry for a comment
+3 entry for Google follow ( Google Connect on right- it pays to follow me)
+1 for sharing on facebook ( use share button below)
+1 For following me on Facebook (melissa.gingerhigh)
+1 entry for Twitter Follow @ginger_high
+2 for tweeting about the contest(please leave link to be counted)
+2 entries for blogging about contest (post link)
+2 For grabbing my button- Please leave the link to the site to be counted.

Contest ends on May 2 at 12mn Eastern


Thanks for reading and good luck-



Disclaimer: I was given a free book from SSA Public Relations for my honest review. I was not compensated for my review.
Thanks to the Product Review Place for listing this opportunity on their blog.

REVIEW OF WAKE UP BY MICHELLE PEARL

In Wake Up! You're Probably Never Going to Look Like That . How to be Happier, Healthier and Imperfectly Fit the author Michelle Pearl talks about her experiences with weight loss. She had suffered with being overweight most of her life and she learned how to overcome it. The book talks about calories, weight loss, plastic surgery, eating disorders, pills and other interesting topics. She discussed some "Myths" of weight loss and how some programs may be teaching people the incorrect way of losing weight. I did find that there were some negative comments about other weight loss programs in the book. Whether they are true or not everyone has their own opinions. Throughout the book there are testimonies from people who were able to overcome obesity and get fit. I found the book interesting and there was a wealth of information.

The book has three objectives: To teach us about some of the mistruths about weight loss that we are constantly being bombarded with, to give realistic advice on how to lose and keep off the weight and finally to encourage you to have realistic body expectations to help you succeed. There are no exercise or diet programs to follow in the book but the author provides the tools to help you lose weight. There are charts and tips to help explain what the author is saying and the book was easy to read. There is information that everyone could find useful. Check out the authors website where you can download customized  dance fitness videos to help with your fitness journey.



Disclaimer: I received a free copy of the book from the author and Westwind Communications for my honest review. I was not compensated for my review.

REVIEW OF HOW TO SURVIVE YOUR FRESHMAN YEAR BY HUNDREDS OF HEADS

I graduated from college twenty six years ago but I can still remember my first day. I was only sixteen when I started college and I just started to drive. If I  had read the book, How to Survive Your Freshman Year (Hundreds of Heads Survival Guides) my life would have been easier. Although I never went away to college (I lived 2 miles away), I still remember being scared to death. Most of my friends went away to school and I had to make new friends. The professors were not as forgiving if you missed an assignment and I learned that quickly in my freshman year. This is a survival guide and includes tips from hundreds of college students who went through the transition. It covers topics such as freshman orientation, laundry, what to pack, dorm life, money, dating, parties and how to balance studying with sleeping. I remember staying up till three in the morning cramming for a big test. I was tired the whole day. The book contains little snippets of advice that can make a difference in your college life. Some of the advice given all of us could benefit from and there was some that could get you into trouble like getting a fake ID to get into the hip parties. I understand that all college students will experiment with different things and you cannot be with them all their lives to help them. sometimes they have to figure it out on their own. Hopefully the book will help them along.

"The workload in college is like shoveling snow. If you do a little bit every day, you'll get by. If you wait until everything piles up, it becomes a impossible task."


I have to admit; I have let things pile up and the advice given in the book can make your life just a little bit easier. If you know someone going to college in the fall get them a copy of this great book. They will love you for it.
The website http://www.hundredsofheads.com/ is loaded with information about personal health, family and home and other useful topics. Check it out.




Disclaimer: I received a free copy of the book by The Cadence Group for my honest review. I was not compensated for my review.

REVIEW AND GIVEAWAY OF EAT THE COOKIE...BUY THE SHOES BY J. MEYER

The book Eat the Cookie...Buy the Shoes: Giving Yourself Permission to Lighten Up by Joyce Meyer gives us permission to lighten up and enjoy life. Engrained in our culture is the belief that unbending discipline is the only sure way to success. You must go to the gym five times a week, never order the dessert, and don't even think about buying that dress you keep staring at in the store window. Breaking from such a regimented lifestyle is a sign of weakness, right? Wrong!-and Joyce wants to tell us why... 

Though setting rules in our lives are important, it's just as important that we break them from time-to-time. Structure is a powerful tool, but when diverging from your own goals is seen as catastrophic, it can have a hugely negative effect on us. Balance is a core value in life and every once in awhile we deserve to indulge in a guilty pleasure or two. So don't feel bad about straying from your goals every once-in-awhile and in fact, embrace it: eat the cookie and buy the shoes.

To be released April 13, 2010

Visit Author's website.
Listen to an Excerpt-.


My thoughts-

I have always felt guilty to buy something for myself. The book wants us to celebrate life and have fun. In the book, the author discusses many reasons why we should celebrate. We have all made mistakes in our lives, and the book says that we should not dwell on the past and move forward. She uses scripture to show that we are allowed to celebrate and be happy. There is a chapter in the book that encourages us to rest and give our soul a vacation by changing your attitude toward life and say a prayer. I have been very stressed in school and the book has helped me to learn to relax and enjoy life. I found the book enjoyable and easy to read. She used examples from her own life to show us that being disciplined is an important part of life we have a right to relax and celebrate.

AND NOW FOR THE CONTEST

Thanks to the Hachette Book Group, I am able to give away 5 copies of this book.

The contest is only open to the USA and Canada only.
No P.O boxes please.
The prizes will be sent by the publisher.

TO ENTER- PUT ALL ENTRIES IN ONE COMMENT AND INCLUDE YOUR EMAIL

+1 entry for a comment
+2 entry for Google follow ( Google Connect on right)
+1 for sharing on facebook ( use share button below)
+1 For following me on Facebook (melissa.gingerhigh)
+1 entry for Twitter Follow @ginger_high
+2 for tweeting about the contest(please leave link to be counted)
+2 entries for blogging about contest (post link)
+2 For grabbing my button- Please leave the link to the site to be counted.


Contest ends Thur April 22 At 12mn Eastern





Disclaimer: I received an ARC from the Hachette Book Group for my honest review and I was not compensated for my review,

REVIEW OF THE UNDERVALUED SELF BY E. ARON, PhD

Do you have self-esteem issues and feelings of self-worth? Then The Undervalued Self: Restore Your Love/Power Balance, Transform the Inner Voice That Holds You Back, and Find Your True Self-Worth can help you to overcome these issues. Elaine Aron follows up her bestsellers on the highly sensitive person with a groundbreaking new book on the undervalued self. She explains that self-esteem results from having a healthy balance of love and power in our lives. Readers will learn to incorporate love into situations that seem to require power and deal with power struggles that mask themselves as issues of love. From the bedroom to the boardroom, her strategies will enable us to escape feelings of shame, defeat, and depression; dissolve relationship hostility; and become our best selves. With Aron's clear, empathetic writing and extraordinary scientific and human insight,THE UNDERVALUED SELF is a simple and effective guide to developing healthy, fulfilling relationships, and finding true self-worth.

My Thoughts-


I have had problems with self-esteem all my life and I have learned to compensate for them. Some people fall into a hole and cannot get out. Dr. Aron wrote a book that was easy to read and concise. She used real-life examples to explain the topics covered. She provides activities in each chapter to evaluate yourself. The chapter that I liked the best was called "The six Self-Protections We Use to Deny Low Rank." The chapter explains that we all try to protect ourselves from shame and self-worth. There is a self-assessment tool to find out what devices we use to protect ourselves, and explains each of the self-protectors in depth. I recommend this book to everyone. We all could use a little help in our lives once in a while.




Disclaimer: I received a free copy from Little Brown & Company and the Hachette Book group for my honest review and I was not compensated for my review

REVIEW AND GIVEAWAY OF THE 3-DAY CLEANSE BY Z.SAKOUTIS & E. HUSS

Celebrities, foodies and media people rely on the Blueprint Cleanse for relief from the excess, overindulgence and toxins we are all exposed to every day. Now, the founders of the cleanse praised in Elle, Vogue and Every Day with Rachel Ray, offer The 3-Day Cleanse: Drink Fresh Juice, Eat Real Food, and Get Back into Your Skinny Jeans, an at-home juice cleansing program for everyone. Cleansing allows the digestive system to rid itself of the toxins everyone accumulates from guides readers through step-by-step guidelines for a 1-day, 3-day and 14-day cleanse, as well as a long-term maintenance plan. There are sidebars with quick tips, secrets and advice from people who have done the cleanse and in addition to the juice, raunhealthy eating or from the environment. This is a customized program based on your own personal health and lifestyle. Unlike other programmes the Blueprint Cleanse includes enough calories and natural fats for an easier yet incredibly effective cleanse. This books w and part-raw recipes the authors include advice on battling the urge to cheat and working the cleanse into a busy lifestyle. It will boost your immune system, alleviate allergies and PMS, improve your mood and sex drive and clear up your skin. Finally.

Read An Excerpt
Release date 3/25/10.


About the Authors-

Zoe Sakoutis and Erica Huss are the founders of the Blueprint Cleanse. Huss has a background in Public Relations, and Sakoutis is an accredited Nutritional Consultant.


My Thoughts-

I have read many books on diet and fasting. I have not been a fan of fasting and I have found that eating too little can actually make it harder to lose weight. The book explains what a toxin is and how it affects our body. If you are not up on your anatomy and physiology there is a section that explains how the digestive system works and how you can help the process along. The cleansing process that is discussed in the book incorporates a variety of different juices. In the book the authors have a section called "Get to Know the Juices". There are numerous produce, nuts and herbs that can be made into juices, and how each of them can help with the detoxing of the body. Many of the juices can be made at home and there are many different types of juicers out there. The book explains them all.


I have not tried the 3 day fast and I am not a fan of fruit juices. I feel they are too sweet especially if they are store bought. I have never tried to make my own at home. I am willing to give the program a try and see what happens. Now lets get back to the book. It was well written and researched. The information provided was easy to understand. Throughout the book there are tips to help you stay on tract. When your body tries something new, you may feel different and there is a chart that lists some of the feelings that you may be going through and if it is normal or not. I recommend this book to everyone who wants to feel better and take charge of their health. Keep in mind that if you are a diabetic or have health issues it is important to discuss the program with your doctor.

AND NOW FOR THE GIVEAWAY-

Thanks to the Hachette Book Group, I am able to give away 5 copies of this book.


The contest is only open to the USA and Canada only.
No P.O boxes please.
The prizes will be sent by the publisher.

TO ENTER-

+1 entry for a comment
+2 entry for Google follow ( Google Connect on right)
+1 for sharing on facebook ( use share button below)
+1 For following me on Facebook (melissa.gingerhigh)
+1 entry for Twitter Follow @ginger_high
+2 for tweeting about the contest(please leave link to be counted)
+2 entries for blogging about contest (post link)
+2 For grabbing my button- Please leave the link to the site to be counted.

PLEASE- Put all entries in ONE COMMENT and your email must be included.

Contest ends Thur April 1 At 12mn Eastern




Disclainer: I received a free copy from the Hachette Book Group for my honest review and I was not compensated for the review.

REVIEW OF THE WAY TO STILLNESS BY A. ALEXANDER VINCENT & G.ALEXANDER

 Gayle Alexander looks back over a fifty-year career as a master counselor, gifted teacher, and minister. Gayle and her daughter, Anne, share her unique approach to connecting with others at a deep level, offering a practical guide that anyone might use as a manual on their spiritual journey. This approach has come to be known the world over as the Love Motif. Full of rich insight, and profound, inspiring life lessons gleaned from fifty years of private practice and being a companion on the way to thousands of individuals, Alexander offers powerful tools to a new generation of helpers. It is her hope that educators, clergy members, physicians, clinicians, therapists, counselors, and anyone involved in the mentoring process find their own Way to Stillness and pass it on.

My Thoughts-

The way to stillness is a beautifully written book about a woman’s journey to peace and happiness. Since I work in the medical profession, I can use the information presented in my everyday practice. The author has some wonderful photos of nature and objects that adds a special touch to the book. I loved the story about Mike. He was legally blind and everyone around him had given up on him and thought he could never read. He loved anything mechanical. The author introduced him to an engineer and he allowed Mike to touch the equipment. Mike began to blossom. Mike graduated High School and the author said that she used the “Love Motif” with Mike. The Love Motif is a desire to impact another person’s life in a positive way. I have learned a lot about myself and other people by reading the book. So what is stillness? It is the ability to find inner peace and have the ability to instill that in everyone we meet. I recommend this book to everyone who wants a little peace in their life and wants to help others achieve stillness.

Disclaimer: I received a free copy from the Cadence Group and I was not compensated for my review.
 

REVIEW OF THE SEROTONIN POWER DIET

In the book The Serotonin Power Diet , the authors explain how boosting serotonin can help curb your appetite and change your mood. Carbohydrates trigger Serotonin production in the brain and this can be used to your advantage. We all have a lot of stress in our lives that can cause us to binge eat and gain weight. The book has a section that helps us deal with stress and gives very useful tips in how we can manage it. There are many recipes that are in the book, but my favorite was the Asian chicken wrap. I have lost 5 lbs. on the program and I feel good about myself. The book also stresses that exercise is a major part in weight loss and there is a chapter dedicated to it.

The book was easy to read, and gave us real life examples of people who shared their temptations and what strategies they used to overcome them. I have always thought that eating to many carbs caused you to gain weight, but if they are eaten at the right time and in moderation they can actually help you lose weight. The plan provides a 12 week guide that not only tells you what to do but why you are doing it. I recommend the program to everyone who needs a jump start to lose weight correctly and for good.








Disclaimer- I received a free copy from FSB Associates for my honest review. I was not compensated for my review.

REVIEW OF QUICK & EASY TIPS TO LOSE WEIGHT BY G.SALGADO CHAVEZ

I just finished reading Quick and Easy Tips to Lose Weight by G. Salgado Chavez and I found the information presented concise and easy to read. She presented some statistics that I would like to share with you.

• 28% of all Americans have hypertension.

• 64% of people in the US are overweight or obese.

• 1 in 4 children are obese.

• Obesity in children has doubled in the last 10years.

• 1.1million Americans have a heart attack every year.

• 1 in 3 women and 1 in 2 men will develop cancer.

• There are more listed in the book.

The book is for any person who has been struggling to lose weight and is looking for a permanent solution to keep the pounds off, and intends to boost their health to optimum levels. These tips are as practical as they are easy to do, and they can help anyone feel better, and gain strength, balance and energy. Written in reader-friendly prose, Chavez’s book takes a holistic and modern view of weight loss, addressing stress factors, chemical toxicity, movement and proper nutrition, as well as diet. Whether readers want to shed a few pounds or many, Quick and Easy Tips to Lose Weight is the sensible and effective way to do it.

View the Video

About the Author-

Georgina Salgado Chavez holds degrees in naturopathic medicine, acupuncture and hypnotherapy. Specializing in consultations and lectures, she has been featured on ABC News, iparenting, and more. She lives with her family in Chicago, Ill.


My thoughts-

I have always been a fan of a book that was concise and easy to read. The book is only 60 pages long and has a lot of worthwhile information in it. There was one section on parasites that was too descriptive but the information presented was correct. Stress affects us every day and there is a chapter in the book that defines the types of stress and how it can affect any age group. There are forty nine tips that are mentioned that can be useful in your weight loss program and everyone who wants to live a healthy lifestyle would benefit from reading this book.




Disclaimer- I received a free copy of the book from the author for my honest review. I was not compensated for my review.

THAW BY FIONA ROBYN

Ruth's diary is the new novel by Fiona Robyn, called Thaw. She has decided to blog the novel in its entirety over the next few months, so you can read it for free.

Ruth's first entry is below, and you can continue reading tomorrow here.

                                                       *

These hands are ninety-three years old. They belong to Charlotte Marie Bradley Miller. She was so frail that her grand-daughter had to carry her onto the set to take this photo. It’s a close-up. Her emaciated arms emerge from the top corners of the photo and the background is black, maybe velvet, as if we’re being protected from seeing the strings. One wrist rests on the other, and her fingers hang loose, close together, a pair of folded wings. And you can see her insides.

The bones of her knuckles bulge out of the skin, which sags like plastic that has melted in the sun and is dripping off her, wrinkling and folding. Her veins look as though they’re stuck to the outside of her hands. They’re a colour that’s difficult to describe: blue, but also silver, green; her blood runs through them, close to the surface. The book says she died shortly after they took this picture. Did she even get to see it? Maybe it was the last beautiful thing she left in the world.
I’m trying to decide whether or not I want to carry on living. I’m giving myself three months of this journal to decide. You might think that sounds melodramatic, but I don’t think I’m alone in wondering whether it’s all worth it. I’ve seen the look in people’s eyes. Stiff suits travelling to work, morning after morning, on the cramped and humid tube. Tarted-up girls and gangs of boys reeking of aftershave, reeling on the pavements on a Friday night, trying to mop up the dreariness of their week with one desperate, fake-happy night. I’ve heard the weary grief in my dad’s voice.
So where do I start with all this? What do you want to know about me? I’m Ruth White, thirty-two years old, going on a hundred. I live alone with no boyfriend and no cat in a tiny flat in central London. In fact, I had a non-relationship with a man at work, Dan, for seven years. I’m sitting in my bedroom-cum-living room right now, looking up every so often at the thin rain slanting across a flat grey sky. I work in a city hospital lab as a microbiologist. My dad is an accountant and lives with his sensible second wife Julie, in a sensible second home. Mother finished dying when I was fourteen, three years after her first diagnosis. What else? What else is there?
Charlotte Marie Bradley Miller. I looked at her hands for twelve minutes. It was odd describing what I was seeing in words. Usually the picture just sits inside my head and I swish it around like tasting wine. I have huge books all over my flat; books you have to take in both hands to lift. I’ve had the photo habit for years. Mother bought me my first book, black and white landscapes by Ansel Adams. When she got really ill, I used to take it to bed with me and look at it for hours, concentrating on the huge trees, the still water, the never-ending skies. I suppose it helped me think about something other than what was happening. I learned to focus on one photo at a time rather than flicking from scene to scene in search of something to hold me. If I concentrate, then everything stands still. Although I use them to escape the world, I also think they bring me closer to it. I’ve still got that book. When I take it out, I handle the pages as though they might flake into dust.
Mother used to write a journal. When I was small, I sat by her bed in the early mornings on a hard chair and looked at her face as her pen spat out sentences in short bursts. I imagined what she might have been writing about; princesses dressed in star-patterned silk, talking horses, adventures with pirates. More likely she was writing about what she was going to cook for dinner and how irritating Dad’s snoring was.
I’ve always wanted to write my own journal, and this is my chance. Maybe my last chance. The idea is that every night for three months, I’ll take one of these heavy sheets of pure white paper, rough under my fingertips, and fill it up on both sides. If my suicide note is nearly a hundred pages long, then no-one can accuse me of not thinking it through. No-one can say; ‘It makes no sense; she was a polite, cheerful girl, had everything to live for’, before adding that I did keep myself to myself. It’ll all be here. I’m using a silver fountain pen with purple ink. A bit flamboyant for me, I know. I need these idiosyncratic rituals; they hold things in place. Like the way I make tea, squeezing the tea-bag three times, the exact amount of milk, seven stirs. My writing is small and neat; I’m striping the paper. I’m near the bottom of the page now. Only ninety-one more days to go before I’m allowed to make my decision. That’s it for today. It’s begun.
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