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HOW PARENTS CAN HELP DISCOURAGE GANGS BY MARY JO RAPINI

How Parents Can Help

Discourage Gangs

by Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC

Gang violence is not a new problem for Chicago, but recently it's gained much more attention in education news. Since many schools in the poorer neighborhoods of Chicago have been closed down, these students must travel longer distances through unknown and gang-infested territory to get to their new schools. The areas were deemed so dangerous that the city set up the Safe Passages initiative, which lines sidewalks with police and large "Safe Passage" signs to protect traveling students. Many news articles have criticized that the signs already have bullet holes in them, and recently a man with gang connections was shot near one Safe Passage route.

Texas is not exempt from gang violence. Even in small towns, gangs are a powerful force and, worse, they can be seductive to children. Gangs can offer children many things, including protection, security, a sense of belonging, camaraderie, entertainment, and an opportunity to build respect. In fact, recent research has suggested that gangs fulfill Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Gangs can recruit children as young as five to seven. Boys are more likely to be in gangs, although girls do join gangs.

Why Youth Join Gangs: You have probably heard of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. If not, it is fairly self-explanatory. Maslow claimed that human beings seek out specific needs in a specific order. That is, physiological needs, which include basic items like food and shelter, will be sought out first for survival. When that need is met, the individual will seek out security and protection, also for survival. Social needs include feelings of love, companionship and play, which are often met by friends and family. Esteem includes respect and the construction of a reputation. These four needs are considered the "deficiency needs." Maslow believes that if these four needs are not met, then it could cause the individual anxiety or depression. Unfortunately, these are the needs that gangs fill the best.

1. The most basic need, physiological; gangs "take care of their own." They have a strong sense of loyalty and companionship, and they may occasionally help out members' families. 2. The second need, safety, is a very common reason that youth join. If youth are surrounded by violence or feel neglected, they may seek out protection from a gang. Ironically, this often brings more violence to their lives from criminal activity and rival gangs. However, there is still the sense that a fellow gang member is watching their back. 3. Gangs also fulfill social needs through their sense of loyalty and belonging. They also offer a sense of "play" by throwing parties or engaging in petty crime, such as graffiti tagging. 4. Esteem. Gang members may feel a sense of empowerment and pride after completing a successful robbery or mugging. They may express themselves as artists through graffiti. 5. Gangs can even fulfill the fifth and final need, self-actualization. Self-actualization includes creative pursuits and the creation of an identity.

Gangs often begin with friends who are toxic to your child. Once your child is part of a gang, it is much more difficult to intervene. Gang members are terrorists, because they often have little regard for anyone or anything. Their violence and crime extends outside of rival gangs to innocent bystanders. The police (and often citizen) response is to crack down on gang violence, but research has shown this is not necessarily the best option. In 2010, Dr. Vigil, a professor at the University of California, noted, "Law enforcement and suppression tactics, already overtaxed as a solution to a problem they did not start, are having only moderate and uneven success in addressing the gang problem. It doesn't make any difference how many jails we build or how many cells are set aside for each new gang cohort, the strategy we now have has failed. It has failed because it is not based on facts, on science, on human development, or on common sense. We need to be honest in recognizing this fact and be bold and courageous in charting a new course" (Vigil 2010). Vigil's point is that gangs represent a human development issue, not necessarily insufficient law enforcement. Gangs are filling a void for adolescents, and it is our duty as parents to figure out what is missing from their lives before they join a gang.

How Parents Can Stop Their Children From Joining Gangs: Teaching parents to be aware of gang behavior in the early stages can help them change their child's current path. Parents need to know the friends of their child, and be alert to friends who are toxic or aggressive who could get their child into trouble. 1.    Talk to your child. Does your child feel alone or friendless? These are situations to begin working with immediately. A child with low self-esteem is easier to tempt into gang like behavior. 2.    Educate your child. If you are a parent, make sure you are parenting your child. That means sending them to school, getting them tutors when they need additional help, and taking them to museums, science events, and other educational activities on weekends. If parents value education, their children do as well. Educated kids see a hopeful future, and have long-term goals.

3.    Be sure to praise your child on what they do well. One of the most seductive things about a gang is the opportunity to build a reputation for their actions. Children need to know they matter and belong to the family. If you are a single parent, make sure you have a strong same-sex mentor for your child. A girl needs a strong female mentor. A boy needs male mentors so he can learn how to be a man. Many gang members value manliness and demonstrations of courage and strength. Young boys may be intrigued by these demonstrations if they do not have a positive role model. Many young boys also join gangs because they have a father, uncle, or brother in a gang who acts as their role model. 4.   Get your child involved in group activities. Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, sports, and church groups all help give your child a sense of identity, belonging, and accomplishment. Being around caring adults helps children construct an identity about who they are and who they are able to become. Youth who join gangs often have a fatalist view of the future and create short-term solutions to their situations, such as criminal activity.

5.    Be aware of peer pressure. If your child is surrounded by gangs or family members who are gang members, it becomes much easier and much more seductive to join. Gangs often host parties to entice new recruits, which are exciting to bored children. Pay attention to who your child is around and influenced by. It may mean you will have to move or find a safe place for your child, but do what is necessary to avoid a destructive path for your child to follow. 6.    In the Houston area, a web site to go for help is www.stophoustongangs.org. If you want out of a gang and you don't know where to turn, call the Houston Police Force and ask for the gang division. They will help you get out safely.

It always saddens me to see the faces of six-year-old children shown with the 17-year-old murderer they became. The grin of the six-year-old did not have the parenting or family support they needed to avoid the gang life, which was on display all around them each day of their life. A murderer is a murderer, and it is too late at that point to change the outcome. If parents become more aware and stand firm in support of their children, we can become a force of hope against the terrorism of gangs. With special thanks to Sarina Rapini MPA , for helping me help parents. Losing a child to a gang is a tragedy of the worst kind.

Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is a licensed psychotherapist and co-author with Janine J. Sherman, of Start Talking: A Girl's Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever. Read more about the book at www.StartTalkingBook.com and more about Rapini at www.maryjorapini.com.

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BOOK SPOTLIGHT AND EXCERPT OF THE ALCHEMIST AGENDA BY MARTY WEISS

I want to welcome Marty Weiss to Books R Us. Marty is the author of the The Alchemist Agenda. He is touring the blogosphere with Pump Up Your Book. Thanks for stopping by.

About the Book:

When Charlie Rocklin and his company Gold Diggers Exploration set out to recover a 17th century shipwreck, they discover an undocumented Nazi submarine with enigmatic symbols. Ariel Ellis, a femme fatale historian with a mysterious past, proves that the U-boat contains the key to a formula more valuable than any sunken treasure, and more deadly than any weapon that has ever existed. In this globetrotting international adventure, Charlie and Ariel uncover an accelerating tempest of secrecy, lies, and agendas, fighting not only for the truth, but for their lives. Weiss's debut novel is a lightning-paced story with surprises at every turn, and shows us that our personal legends may be more real than we ever could have imagined.


About the Author:

Marty Weiss was born and raised in Chicago and decided that he wanted to make movies after spending a summer working on the set of John Hughes' movie "Sixteen Candles." After earning a B.S. in Journalism from the University of Illinois, Champaign-Urbana, and an M.F.A. in film and television from New York University, he directed national and international TV commercials for major Blue Chip brands as well as TV movies. He helmed his first feature film, "Vampires: The Turning," for Sony/Screen Gems Entertainment - an action/horror movie that evolved out of John Carpenter's "Vampires." It was filmed in Chiang Mai, Thailand and released worldwide in 2005. Weiss has filmed throughout North and South America, Eastern and Western Europe, and Southeast Asia, and has garnered numerous industry awards. His screen adaption of his debut novel, "The Alchemist Agenda," was the honored with the Best Screenplay award from Amazon Studios and is currently on their development slate for production. Weiss lives in Los Angeles with his wife Elisabeth and children Jasmine and Jake.

Purchase the Book:
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http://www.martinishotfilms.tv/ 




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Read An Excerpt:

Just as Charlie turned off the shower, he heard the fall on the stairs, even though his bathroom door had been closed and his office was set apart from the others. Then everything went silent, unusually so. He haphazardly dried, quickly put on his street clothes, made sure he stuffed his wallet and his black book in his back pockets, the two personal effects he only left behind when he was training, and then secured the necklace with the crest around his neck, now the third item he would no longer leave without.

He peered out into the hallway.

It was too quiet. Something was not right.

He walked into the lower level offices. Nothing out of place. Then he looked behind a table and saw:

Two dead bodies.

Horrified, he moved through the offices, searching every turn and crevice until he approached the staircase where the oceanographer’s body was sprawled on the steps.

Charlie shifted into stealth survival mode, quietly made his way to one of the gear lockers, grabbed a dive knife, and crept to the next room.

Wade and Luke hunted maniacally through the banks of computers and equipment. But it was Ray who found the U-2008 bell up in Charlie’s office, and moments later, the locked case beside the desk. He smiled instantly because he had worked for a custom locksmith all through high school, a job he had loved because it taught him how to crack similar safe designs built to keep children from their parent’s firearms. It didn’t take him sixty seconds to open this lock.

The Shackers’ orders were specific. They were told to find a nautical GPS and not to come back without it.

And there it was.

Ray moved into the computer room where Luke and Wade were searching and excitedly waved the nautical GPS. “I got it!”

Luke grabbed the device and looked it over. “You’re shitting me.”

“Let me see.” Wade tossed aside a computer he was searching through and went to join the other two, but a voice stopped him.

“Don’t move.”

The three Shackers turned to see Charlie pointing an air-powered speargun. “Set it down on the table and drop your guns.”

Wade almost laughed. He had been jumped, fired at, and held up by insurgents with much more firepower, and hatred. He wasn’t about to allow this freakin’ frogman get in his way. As Luke and Ray dropped their weapons, Wade drew and fired.

Charlie dove for cover behind the shelving unit and crawled into the gear room to hide behind a rack of wet suits.

Ray grabbed the bell and the GPS from Wade and packed them into the empty pack he had strapped over his shoulder. “Fuck’m, we got what we came for.”

“Orders were to leave nobody alive,” Wade objected. “Move it.”

Wade and Luke stormed into the gear room with their guns poised; Ray took his time, but trailed right behind.

They saw no one, but heard Charlie’s voice: “What the hell do you want?”

Wade put his finger to his lips so that Luke and Wade wouldn’t open their traps, then stalked slowly toward the direction of the voice. “Same thing as you.”

There was a long silence as Wade searched behind the racks of wetsuits, and then Charlie dropped down from the storage shelves, knocked the gun out of Wade’s hand and slammed him to the floor.

Wade loved close combat—it was his forté—but Charlie didn’t give him the chance to show it. He dropped a heavy steel dive tank on Wade’s face, breaking his nose on impact and knocking him unconscious.

Luke and Ray couldn’t fire their guns with Wade so close, so they charged Charlie. He met them with a rapid flurry, shoving his elbow into Ray’s gut and an upper cut into Luke’s chin, and then he tucked and rolled as Luke’s gun fired, a shot that hit the back wall. Charlie reached for a dive knife, sprung to his feet and threw it. It flew past Ray’s ear. Charlie took cover on the floor and crawled toward an exit as Ray popped off more shots.

Charlie burst outside into the alley. Someone was already there. Through the sun in his eyes he could only make out a silhouetted figure approaching…

It was Wade, his face covered in blood from the dive tank, his gun in his hand.

There was nothing to duck behind. Everything went still.

And then came a shot.

When Charlie realized he hadn’t been hit, he turned and saw Ariel leaning on the hood of her car, just-fired gun in hand.

Wade collapsed on the alley pavement, a bullet through his heart. He barely had a moment to realize that this was his final battle, or to agonize over the possibility that his father would learn that he had been brought down by a woman, his final humiliation.

“I told you there wouldn’t be much time,” she said. “We have to get out of here!”

The exit door swung open, but before Ray and Luke could scope the perimeter, Ariel fired one more shot, which hit the steel door, and forced them back inside.

“Gimme your keys.” Charlie approached with an open hand. “They’ll try to leave through the front entrance. We’ll cut them off—”

Ariel closed the keys in her fist and gestured to the passenger seat. “There’s a lot more than those two to worry about. Get in.”

Charlie got inside the car, weighing his options, trying to think like a diver, remaining calm and breathing steadily as Ariel sped the car out of the alley.

“They got the nautical GPS,” Charlie said. “They can find the site.”

“You still have the crest?”

Charlie held the necklace under his shirt. “Yeah.”

“And you can find the sub without the GPS, right?”

“Right... Watch out!”

A car tore out of another alley in front of them. Ariel skillfully maneuvered and skid, missing them by inches, then took off in the other direction.

The other car spun around and came after them. Ray was driving. Luke was riding shotgun as he fired a few useless rounds.

“Drive straight, would you?” Luke ordered.

“Your aim is for shit,” was all Ray could come back with.

The chase sent them weaving through the office park and into a residential area. Ariel remained cool as a cucumber as she turned onto a lawn and through several backyards, like an obstacle course she knew well. She picked up their conversation where she left off, just like she did with her bi-weekly lectures: “Just because they can get to the U-boat doesn’t mean they can get inside. The key isn’t easy to find and it’s not in America.”

“The key? I thought you said there was a code,” Charlie said. “Is it a key or a code?”

“I’ll explain everything, as long as we’re partners in this.” She turned onto another street, and then glanced back to be sure she’d lost their pursuers. “Are we partners?”

“I haven’t had the best luck with partners.”

“Maybe you should move on to something else then. Without the key, you’ll never get inside.”

“I don’t give up until I have all the answers.”

“That’s why we’re a perfect fit.”

She knew she had him; he knew he didn’t have a choice. “Where are we going?” he asked.

She turned onto the entrance ramp to the Turnpike. “Prague.”

“Just like that, without any tickets, passports, or luggage?”

“Just like that.”

She stepped on the gas and headed for John F. Kennedy International Airport.

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GUEST POST BY BECKY KOMANT AUTHOR OF THE NOVEL THE CONTROLLED

I want to welcome Becky Komant to Books R Us. Becky is the author of the adult thriller The Controlled. Thanks for stopping by

About the Book:

Sarah Ruiz thought she had it all – until someone entered her life who was hell-bent on destroying her.
Sarah Ruiz is a business owner, a fitness trainer and a mom.  Married to the ever-so-charming and wealthy Alex Ruiz, Sarah appears to have the perfect life.  But behind closed doors, he revealed a side of himself that destroyed her love for him.  With five beautiful children and unable to leave her situation, Sarah knows she must make changes.
Sarah’s journey to freedom take a turn when a man, Gabe Benoit, promises to help her.  Thus starts a whirlwind of romance, intrigue, seduction, blackmail and manipulation.  No matter which way Sarah turns, she is backed into a corner before she can even realize it.  When she finally has promise of a better future, she must use every ounce of her strength to work her way through the web of lies and find truth on her journey to independence.

About the Author

Becky Komant was born and raised in beautiful Kelowna, British Columbia.  Spending most of her childhood years outdoors and playing sports, Becky’s passion for fitness was ignited.  Working at a gym at the age of 16, she then went on to an advertising position at a local newspaper following high school.  Soon after, Becky started her family and wanted to be more involved with her children.  It was then that Becky followed her passion and founded a successful private training studio.   Realizing that being a trainer was much more than just helping people physically, this lead her in the direction of becoming a certified life coach.  Because of her fitness and life coaching career, Becky always envisioned writing a book.  Overtime and thought, it evolved into her first novel, The Controlled. With more writing on the horizon, she hopes to inspire others on many levels. Becky continues to reside in Kelowna with her family.
Learn more about Becky at www.beckykomant.com.

GUEST BLOG –by Sarah Ruiz

My Inner Battle – and Excerpt from my Diary: July 13, 2011

Today was hard day.  Bolts of energy coursed through my body from the moment I woke up until now, as I prepare for bed.  When he put his hands on me earlier I wanted to hit him, scream, fight him off. It would have been futile. I’ve been telling him it’s over for years.  He has a way of pulling the life from inside me.  I want to speak, but I can’t.  I want to scream, but I can’t.  The bolts of energy want to escape, to be released from my veins, but they are trapped, just like me.
I am tired, alone and I feel like no matter which direction I go he is there, looking at me.  I feel him looking at me even when he is not in the same room.  I am a hostage.  I try to keep it together.  Some days are better than others. 
I look at my children and they bring strength back to my aching heart. Thank God for them. For their innocence.  To be there again and not have to fight for freedom every day.  I pray that my daughters never experience the games and cruelty from the men they give their hearts to.  I pray my boys become better men from what they have seen me go through.  The best gift I can give to my children is my love.  It is all for them.  I will sacrifice what I must in order to give them the life they deserve.  I am strong and need to believe in order to survive.  All I ever wanted was love.  We all deserve love, don’t we?  I gave my all to the wrong man. But he did give me five hearts that fill mine with joy.
I live with lies.  I am tired of them.  How can someone have such a dark side – one that is unknown to everyone but me?  To see such darkness is not fair.  My love for him was long ago replaced with hate.  My hate is laced with despise.  “You have nothing without me”… He believes that to be true. Little does he realize, I’d have my life without him.
I know that there will come a day when he won’t be able to get to me. Every day when I wake up I look in the mirror and see his reflection.  I know the day that I can look in the mirror and see only myself that that is the day I am free.   To love again is a just dream right now, but I believe.







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