by Amanda Wolfe
In the beginning, the whole purpose of this book, well, journal really, was to allow me to come face to face with and rid myself of what I had stored up in my black box. It is what I call the place in the pit of your stomach where you hide all your secrets; good, bad or ugly. My box was filled with ugly: quilt, embarrassment and a lot of shame and confusion. In short, it was just to painful to face head on.
It all started when my husband and I were having one of our "OK, it’s time to bare your soul” conversations. He is the only one person who could ever make me do that, because I knew he would never use what I say against me in any way. He has always given me the space to get angry, cry, rant and rave like a lunatic when I needed to. Believe me, it has happened more than once!
It took a lot of years of his patience and understanding to get me this far, allowing me to face and rid myself of all these bad feelings I carried around with me always. They made me hard on the outside. He called it my wall and little by little it has crumbled. I’m not saying I don’t feel things from my past anymore, I do, but now they don’t paralyze me. I still have trust issue from time to time! but they no longer rule my life.
During this conversation I laughed and said I should write a book about all of this, but who the heck would believe it? He told me he thought that is exactly what I should do. I should start writing it all down, because writing was a great way to release feelings that you have difficulty talking about. We both agreed it would be a great outlet.
So I began writing it all down and, once started , I had a difficult time stopping. The emotions started pouring out of me. Sometimes I would come out of my office so angry I could spit.The memories that came flooding back were unbelievable. The sky in my world was not as rosy as I had made it out to be. My siblings’ annoyance with me remembering my past through rose- colored glasses was finally realized and understood.
My husband was right there for all of it, lending his understanding and support.I don’t think I could have done this without him. I’m very grateful to him for being there in all the craziness I went through.
After reading some of what I had written, he told me I should make it into a book, because it could really help other girls and women to know that they can go through bad things and still come out on top. I decided that if I was going to make it into a book that I wanted to bring the reader right along with me on the journey that I was going through in my emptying out process. I wanted them to come out the other side with me feeling a little inspired and wanting more. More importantly, I wanted them to know that if they themselves have been or are being abused that they are not alone.
There are options out there for everyone, even though you may think there are none for you. Trust me, I’ve been there. There are many, many forums out there with people who are willing and want to help you get the help you need. Even if it is just an anonymous voice at the other end of the phone.
A friendly voice can go a long way.
Stop back tomorrow for my review of the book.